The Only Thing to Fear . . .

Scribbit in Alaska is sponsoring a writing contest on "Things That Scare Me." Click here Write-Away Contest for rules. I sent the spider-in-the-rug post, but I've been thinking about those kinds of things lately as my 97-year-old grandfather's condition deteriorates, and friends deal with their own or their parents' cancer or recurrence of same.

It seems to me there are different levels of fear. There's that sudden scary thing (like a spider jumping on you) that causes you to jump and your heart to beat faster and you either scream or cry or wet your pants (that hasn't actually happened to me, but everything is possible) or do whatever it is that you do.

Some are general vague fears of non-specific impending doom, or sometimes specific impending doom - reading National Geographic will make you want to wring your hands in despair and go into hiding for the remaining 3 weeks of the world.

Then there are specific phobias unique to each of us which may or may not have any origin. Spiders, heights, water, cats, dogs, bees and other flying insects. Sometimes we seek to be scared when we go to Haunted Houses or scary movies. (Warning, rabbit trail - moviemakers have confused scary with disgusting. Freddy, Jason, et al are disgusting, not scary. Scary is the first When a Stranger Calls (1980).)

The worst ones are fears specific to us - fear of loved ones dying, the fear mingled with joy during a pregnancy when you worry every day about something happening or wait for test results hoping everything is OK, fear of what happens if you lose your job or become disabled, or worse, if BOTH of you lose your jobs for some reason.

Now that I've scared everyone senseless . . . here's my list, in no particular order.

1. I do not want to outlive my children. I mention this because it seems to happen in my family more than others. Granted, I am more likely NOT to outlive them since I was over 40 before I had them, but there it is.

2. Death by drowning. I'm not afraid of death in a general sense, but I have asthma, and not being able to breathe is a truly awful experience. Suffocating seems to me an awful way to die. I'm also not afraid of water - I love to swim and go boating. I think maybe I was a sailor in a former life and drowned at sea. Thus the contradiction.

3. Public speaking. I have done it, under protest. But I hate hate hate it. Now, give me a script and a character and I'll be on stage all day. I love to act, and even sing in public, be it the lead part or just a couple of lines. I love being on stage. But do NOT ask me to write and give a speech. I dropped speech class 3 times in college, and finally took it because they threatened not to let me graduate. (I got a B.)

4. Spiders. I get the crawls just thinking about them. Although I seem to be doing better with this one. If they're outside I can look at them and calmly show them to my children and say things like, "Look at the pretty web she made." But if they're inside I'm done. I don't generally move very quickly, but put a spider on me and I will set Olympic speed records.

5. Heights. I think I must have vertigo. I just can't stand at the edge of something and look over it. However, I love rock climbing. Granted, in rock climbing you're attached to a rope and even if you fall you don't really go anywhere. But if I'm loose and could fall over, I get all dizzy and weak and have to sit down. I blame Disney for this. In Snow White, the witch falls off the cliff and the buzzards fly down after her. I had nightmares about this for years that I didn't even remember until the Queen started watching this movie. I fast forward through that part, ostensibly so she won't be troubled with the same nightmares, but mainly because I STILL don't like it.

6. Stinging insects. I've never been happy about these, but I stepped in a hornet nest about 7 years ago and the little monsters actually CHASED me down the street in front of my house until I could get inside. I got stung 5 times. One of the little b******s got inside my shirt and stung me under the arm. (On one level, you do have to admire the tenacity.) Fortunately I stay dosed up with allergy medicine so I wasn't in danger of dying but those things hurt for a week.

7. Needles. Being pregnant nearly killed me on several levels, but having to get blood drawn every two weeks was absolutely awful. Back in college I tried 3 different times to give blood, and passed right out every time. This time last year I was being tested for what turned out to be rheumatoid arthritis, and I had so much blood drawn at one time that I asked the technician where my cookies and juice were. Although I will admit after 18 hours of labor with the Queen I was very happy to see that epidural needle to get me through the remaining twelve. And it allowed me to be awake for the c-section I ended up having after all.

8. Barf. I'm a chain puker. I don't even like the v-word. One reason I didn't have kids for so long was my horror of that particular bodily function. And wouldn't you know, with the first one I had morning sickness the entire nine months. I should have been declared a Superfund site and received government funding.

9. Basements. Basements are always damp and have spiders or other things that drop from the ceiling into your hair. If I am forced to go into a basement, I wear a hat. I also don't stray far from the door - I peek in, see what I want, then tell the Mountain Man where it is so he can get it for me. We don't keep much down there because of the damp. Actually, I haven't been inside our basement in over a year.

So the main conclusion we can draw from this list is that I am a lot like Dr. Jekyll. Or is it Mr. Hyde?